Frustration, part 1

So, I bit the bullet once again.  I placed an ad on a listing site.  I did this one other time and had what I thought were good results.  I even got to the point of meeting someone…..what a mistake that turned out to be.  Won’t get into details here, but it is a situation of ‘my fault/your fault’ and no compromise.  We did have a meeting of the minds and bodies…..and wow, oh wow….was that good.  But it just won’t go anywhere.

So I posted the following:

Looking to find someone that is interested in a potential long-term relationship with ANR as a dynamic component to the relationship. If you are not sure that that is, PLEASE…..Google it. You will find out. 

I am 45, BBW (currently working my body), 5′ 3″, red/blue, and not looking for game players, one-night stands, or anyone that thinks I can ‘teach’ them! 

I am looking for someone that is my age group (NO younger than 40 and NO older than 55). Someone that understands the kind of relationship this is and the commitment it requires. Looking for someone in the XYZ area; but will entertain other locations, based on the situation. 

Please email me…..I would like to hear from you!

So my responses began almost immediately.   Some of them are here in their entirety, with my comments (not my actual email back):

1.  Hi — 52yr wm. living in XYZ  — would love to talk more. 

Ok, he is close, a bit older than me; but HEY!  DO YOU HAVE EXPERIENCE?????  Turns out he doesn’t.   

2.  Hello,

 Your ad is a blessing. That is to have a woman show up offering what I seek rather then my quest to find a woman interested in what I seek. 

I worship breast, the fullness, the textures, the shape, the structure, and the god given gift of creating milk when properly coaxed and trained. Milk to nourish me, breasts to satisfy my driven desire to kiss, caress, and nurse from. 

I am strongly attracted to a buxom, full-figured woman. Fat does not register in my profile of what attracts me… I love large thighs, hips, arms, girth, thickness, and large buttocks. The textures and curves of a large woman create a strong attraction for me. I am fully aroused at this moment as wonder how you are shaped and how your breasts will affect me. 

I travel a lot. I could not be in a long-term committed relationship that offers time together on a regular basis. I get one weekend in XYZ each month. Is there any way you could be interested in a man that can visit you one weekend per month but be in contact with you by phone, email, and text continuously? 

I am 54, divorced, 6’2″, 270 lbs. a white gentleman 

Really?  You can only offer 1 weekend a month?  And I am supposed to have an ANR out of this?  Sorry dude!

3.  I am a real breast man i have helped 2 other women produce breast milk and really enjoyed it , what size are you on top and do you know where XYZ is?

Ok, helped 2 other women….that is a bonus.  What size am I?  Hmmm, that is a minus (size of breasts do not matter in this) and yes, I know where your town is.  Sorry…..I am not interested.

4.  Hi,Im 42yrs have a job,house etc,pic for pic

Really?  You have a job and a house?  That is great……what does that tell me about your interest in ANR??  Not one flipping thing?

5. hi there how are u today

Um, fine thank you.  How are you?   Obviously he is just looking to talk to someone?  

6.  Hi, 

Got a pic?

Yep I got one, but I am not sharing it with you!!!!!   

7.  Hmmmm.  You have a very articulate and well-written post!  I appreciate your intellect, as it’s an important factor for me in a relationship.  Got to have it!  And your write well, too. 

But are you still seeking?  Over, 6.204 replies yet?  

It’s difficult to find a woman who desires an ANR.  I seek to nurse on a regular basis.  Are you lactating or do you need to be made to? 

6’2″, 186, fun, conversant, 52, very well-traveled, too many hobbies to list, very handsome, many friends, creative, articulate, no kids, great shape,  NOT desperate, and much more.   About an hour from you, but can travel and has flexible schudule. 

I HAVE PHOTOS! 

Thanks for reading.

With a follow-up email from him:

I do enjoy nursing, and require lengthly sessions of suckling.  I find it to be erotic, soothing, and highly nutritious. 

I am not seeking an LTR, but instead a friend who requires her breasts to be suckled on a regular basis.  Typically I enjoy light conversation followed by lenghtly nursing sessions.  I prefer to lie sideways across you lap, and suckle while you hold my head to your breasts.  

I do not seek intercourse.  I do, however, on ocassion, automatically orgasm hard after about 40 minutes of nursing.  I am happy to suckle clothed or naked so you may observe what you wish.  I prefer breasts with a cup size of D or larger.  

I uderstamd that this may not be what you seek!

Nope, not what I am looking for.

8.  How are you?  I’m 40 years old 6’2 brown hair brown eyes 230lbs. I’m.from the XYZ area. I’m.a total breast man I love the ANR aspects of it. I am looking for a possible ltr also.

I enjoy dinner movies traveling or whatever might be going on around in.the area. Here is a picture hope to hear from you.

Thanks

Ok, I think this might just be a keeper!  *Will let you know where this one goes.*

 9.  I like your ad. 

I am 48, married, 6′ 2″, 205#, moderately athletic, normal. 

I am very interested in learning more about your desire for an ANR relationship. 

I will show up if invited. 

May I please tell you more? 

Thank-you,

 Hmm, ok, I do realize that my ad didn’t say anything about being single…but I would think it is a given?  Maybe not.  NOTE:  I do politely respond stating that I am not looking to get involved with anyone that is married.  

I get this very pleasant email back. 

I certainly understand your aversion to married men, but assure you that my situation is unique. 

My wife underwent an early and extremely difficult menopause several years ago. Together, we have tried many therapies and procedures, but her situation is unchanged. She has no desire for sex, with me or anyone. 

Prior to this, we had engaged in an active sex life that focused on her large breasts and milk. 

I am looking for the extremely allusive, ongoing ANR that you described in your ad. 

She has given me permission in this case to contact you. 

May I please tell you more? 

Ok, well, hmm…….I really do want to talk to this gentleman more…… 

Ok, so in the end, I did get some ok replies also…..and I have sent information back to them, but, I will just continue talking with the ones that have hit a ‘chord’ with me and see what happens.

On a side note, I did start my own Yahoo Group. North America ANR/ABF Meeting Place.  Why?   Well, it is a contradiction to who I am…  LOL……Most people that know me, know that I am rather submissive.  OK, extremely submissive.  However, starting my own ANR group?  That was all about control!!  HEE HEE.  You can find a link over there  ß for my group.

Well, happy nursing everyone

@~~>~~

Regularity? What is ‘regular’?

I thought I would share this insightful email I received from someone in one of my groups.  (I hope he doesn’t mind that I am sharing his words!)  He happens to think he thinks about boobs too much, but if you are interested in ANR…..I agree it isn’t possible to think about them too much.  Thank you for the words of encouragement!


In order to make this all happen and happen as naturally and smoothly as possible, regularity is the key.

 
I’ll say it again:  A regular schedule of “nursing” is key to having milk come in, boosting the volume to where you want it, and then maintaining it at that level.
 
How regular is regular?  Well, the “best” info on this is ” +/- 10%” on your time window.  So, if you are nursing (and by this I include whatever means that you are using – your partner’s mouth is best and we go down the scale from there) 1x per day, then we are talking about once every 24 hours, so +/- 10% gives you a “window” of almost 5 hours centered around the time of day you have set aside.  (it should be noted that 1x per day is HIGHLY UNLIKELY to induce lactation, and is unlikely to maintain it at any “real” volume.  You are fooling your body into thinking that it has to provide – when the usual suspect reaches the level of only 1x per day then for all intents and purposes, the “job” is “done”, and your body reacts accordingly) – now at 3x per day things change.  I’ve read many accounts of inducing lactation without any sort of medicinal help even in women who have never had children with a fairly strict 3x per day schedule – it takes time.  At the far end of the scale, is 8x per day (must be nice to have that sort of time free).  Probably 3-4x per day is all that most regular folk who have to also live a regular life can do.  Thankfully for those of us who are like minded, this happens to work (isn’t the body an amazing thing?!)
 
So, what ever times of day you pick,” +/- 10%” of that time (let’s see @ 3x per day…..8 hours….that would appear to be +/- 48 minutes if you want to split hairs – call it 45 minutes.  These are for the “start times” – not the finish line.
 
COMPLETELY emptying each breast is key – especially now that you have actually reached the promised land (oh how I envy you both).  If it is your partner, then know that’s done is fairly simply – no more comes out.  If you are pumping, even after the flow stops, you will need to do a little more manually – apparently the Marmet Technique is the hands down winner here.  You can find “how-to” on Google.  If you are not using a pump, then the Marmet will do it all.  A little gentle massage before and after never hurts – be nice to yourself after all.
 
To BOOST the volume, then you have to send that signal of “we need more” to the brain – simple to do.  Again, the accepted numbers are “about 5 minutes of suckling after you run dry”.  That is to say, you want to continue the stimulation (demand) for at least 5 minutes after you run out of milk, but, anything more than say 10 minutes does not give you additional benefit (aka: ‘Okay, okay, we GET the message already!’ ) while less than 5 minutes does not seem to be enough (no real measurable results apparently).
 
To MAINTAIN the production volume, once you reach a happy place, you want to assure that you avoid periods of engorgement (sends the “oops, full up, make less next time” signal) as much as possible – obviously it cannot be avoided at all times, and your body recognizes this, so, completely emptying in such a case is vital – perhaps even adding a bit of the “more please” signal to keep the records straight as it were.  So again, to maintain, you want to regularly empty both breasts – completely – but do not need to continue with the “more please if you don’t mind” signals to your brain – it’s all about the brain after all.  However, you CAN REDUCE the frequency once you reach the happy place – but make any such changes GRADUALLY over time…..going from 8x to 1x in one day is just asking for bad times (and pain)…extreme example yes, but it makes the point….again, this is all about fooling that big gray erogenous zone between your ears – in this case you are specifically trying to fool the automatic functions….so do so in the manner they expect to be treated and they will be happy, leaving the rest to really enjoy things.
 
It’s all just a STATE OF MIND!  Again, it’s all in the mind – think milk, have milk.  Think enjoy, then you enjoy.  Mind over body – that has for sure been proven over and over and over again.  This is just another application of the old mantra.  So, what you really have to do is remove the stress you add by feeling that you are doing something wrong by not meeting the expectations you have put on yourself.  Ask yourself why you are doing this in the first place, and then see if what you have (with or without milk) satisfies the question at least in part.  Focus on that while doing the rest and the results you want will come along.  For example, if you are really not in the mood for sex, you won’t be horny – for men, you may not even be able to get hard…or be gotten hard by the person you are simply not in the mood to be doing anything with….a cool spring breeze however, is still a cool spring breeze (we are men after all).
 
Boiling all of the above down to simple words:  Set a schedule and stick to it, think happy thoughts of white nectar, ENJOY what you are doing simply for the sake of doing it.  You will have what you set your mind to having in the end.
 
Lastly, a note on “sucking” versus “suckling” – only because I see this over and over on threads, blogs, and all over the place.  Suckling is what works.  Sucking does not.  Suckling is the rythmic motion which a baby use to “pump” the milk out of the breast – Sucking is what you do with a straw (think about it, there is a distinct lack of rythmic motion).  Put another way – sucking is how you make a hicky, suckling is much more like what you do when you put your thumb in your mouth.  In particular, you are not rubbing your tongue, you are rolling it along (think “Belly Dancer”, “doing the wave”, “the GENTLY rolling surf of the sea shore”), in effect, your motions are pushing the collected milk from behind the nipple out through the nipple – NOT PULLING it out.  Sucking can, and has, actually injured the tissue structures inside of the breast and is counter productive to lactation and nursing.  This is not to say that it’s not done and that it does not get milk out of a breast – but if you want this to be enjoyable and loving etc then you want “suckling” and not “sucking” – ESPECIALLY in the prelactation stages of induction and in the “boosting volume” stages.
 
Enjoy, Good Luck, HAVE FUN !!!!!!!

The last words are very appropriate……HAVE FUN……the more fun you have with this, the less tiresome it becomes.  Especially for those of us without a partner.  Believe me…..having ‘fun’ by yourself does have it’s advantages……..
Happy Nursing!!!
@~~>~~

Open comments to potential partners

Please, please…PLEASE……know and understand what ANR is!!!!!!!  I don’t want to spend my time teaching you what it is.  If you don’t know, please…..RESEARCH IT!  Google it!  If you decide it isn’t for you….do NOT pass judgement on me for wanting it.  Please keep it to yourself.  A simple “I misunderstood.  Good luck”  works very well and is much appreciated.

If we (women), say we are specifically looking for men that are in a specific age group, ethnicity, experience level, etc:  Respect that.  Many of us can’t go outside of that comfort zone and if we state plainly what we are looking for, respect it.  It doesn’t mean you can’t contact us, but if we tell you we are not interested because you fall outside of those ‘requirements'; don’t take it personally.  This is a very ‘comfort oriented’ relationship and if we are not comfortable….you aren’t going to get what you are looking for either.

If we say we are NOT looking for married men, that also includes men living with, dating, or otherwise committed with another person.  We do mean:  We are looking for men that are SINGLE….unattached…..NOT seeing anyone else.  Respect that.

If we are looking for ANR, please note the last word in that:  RELATIONSHIP.  Yes, we are looking for a relationship with a partner that is also looking for that.  It is a deep commitment and a ‘fly-by nursing’ is NOT what we are looking for.  If we say we are looking for the ‘fly-by’, then great….you luck out.  Most of us women are looking for the full package.  Please be sure of what we are looking for before you respond and if you aren’t sure, ASK US!  Then listen to us!!!!

Please don’t ask about what size my breasts are right out of the gate.  That is something for future discussions.  You may like a large-breasted woman, or a small-breasted woman over the other, but size is NOT relative to the milk produced.  Don’t ask for a photo of them either.  Really?  You don’t need me to explain this one do you??

Whether or not I ‘can orgasm’ when nursing; is not open for discussion.  I am not looking for a purely sexual relationship.  I am looking for a deep, committed relationship with nursing as a component of that relationship.  If I was looking for a way to ‘get off’, I would state that.  And that would be an entirely different relationship.

From the women that are not currently lactating, please know that while we would love to have you ‘help’ us…..know and understand what that means.  This is a huge commitment….HUGE…..and if you can only get together once a week for a nursing session?  Be up front about that.  To successfully induce, our body’s requirements range from once a week (unrealistic) to 6 to 10 times a day (ideal, but not realistic unless you live & work together).  No matter what, if we tell you we need AT LEAST once a day and you can not do that…say so.  Don’t promise something you can not give us!

From the women that are lactating, please….unless I tell you I am interested in a one night stand nursing some stranger?  I am looking for the full package.  View us as complete packages. We are not just boobs that have milk coming out of them!  We are more than that.  We are women who want to be seen as women….mind, body and spirit!

On a personal note:  If you hear me say I have some concerns or if I say I have a nagging feeling….or better yet:  I have a gut feeling?  You had better start being truthful.  It will come out, one way or another.  If you think you can hide whatever it is, you are wrong!  Believe me…..I will find out whatever it is you are hiding and it would be better handled if it comes directly from you.

One last personal note:  I am not looking for a man (or partner) that wants to be treated like a baby.  I want an ADULT partner.  If I wanted a ‘baby’, I would have had one!!!!!

Ok, that is my rant for the day!!!!!

Happy Nursing (in spite of my rant)

@~~>~~

Informational or Instructional Items

In one of my Yahoo Groups, someone posted a question about ‘how to’ in regards to hand expressing.  There are several ways that it can be done; and if you notice a previous post of mine, I had a document that gave written instructions for methods of hand expressing.

On one of my many searches, I found this video.  I do NOT take any credit for it, but I am sharing it here.  There are not enough of these videos out there for informational or instructional expressing for those of us without a partner.  Even those with a partner, there may be times when you will need to hand express.  I hope this helps!

Hand Expression Tutorial

Happy Nursing!!!

@~~>~~

A new beginning

Just a short note tonight!

After all my struggles with a partner, I was to the point of giving up.  However, two things kept coming to my mind that my mother always told me.  One, NEVER accept less than what you truly want; and two, no can love you until you learn to love yourself.

On March 19th, I believe I have found the partner that I was truly looking for.  Someone that shares the same interests, the same desires; and mainly understands how this type of relationship really and truly works.

I always believed you could have an ANR, but not have the man/woman relationship.  That you could have a partner for the assistance of inducing.  I was wrong!  At least for me.  I need that closeness, that bonding, that intimate act of nursing and feeling your partner as one with yourself.  Once I realized I needed that; the rest is becoming easier.

While we might be separated by some distance for now, I don’t believe that we will always have that problem.  I think the two of us realize what is needed if we both want this to work.  For now, we are continuing to get to know one another and are enjoying the company of each other….even through emails until we get to see each other once again!

Happy Nursing!

@~~>~~

Euphoric

I have been pretty quiet lately.  Sorry about that, I do have more to get posted for you; but I wanted to bring you up to date with my progress!

I began taking Goat’s Rue earlier this week and wow, oh wow.  This morning I woke to dried milk on my breasts.  I had started leaking through the night, evidently.  So I am currently on Fenugreek, Blessed Thistle, and now Goat’s Rue.  I have a good combination of them and it really seems to be working.

My other huge change is that I cut off my relationship with my ‘partner’, for good.  Of course, he has taken it personally and now won’t speak to me at all.  But knowing that he had someone else in his life was not doing me any good.  It was holding me back and causing me more frustration than it should have.

Now, I feel I have a right to be upset with him and the situation; because he swore he wanted to help me with this.  But in the end, he couldn’t make the effort that was really needed.  I don’t blame him though.  I was also to blame.  I was the one that thought I could handle the situation, but I couldn’t.  I need someone that wants to be with me and is as committed to it as I am.

Now it is a matter of getting my key back, but I am beginning to think that I should just say screw it! and make a new key.  It isn’t like he uses/used it even though he had it.  It isn’t like I will have to worry about him walking in on me with any other partner I may have.  Which is in the works.  :)  I do have someone that is interested in being a nightly nurser; but I will have to really think about this.  I need my sleep too; but we will see.

Other than that…..It is one more day closer to my goal…even with the set-backs!

Happy Nursing to all!!!

Heaven

@~~>~~>~~

They always say, the best place to start…..

…is at the beginning.  Even though, I have done a great deal of reading about lactation and what is involved.  There is still always something that I find that I feel I need to share with my followers.  So here my information for the day:

Women’s breasts are made up of fat, nipple, glands (alveoli) and a network of ducts through which milk can pass from the glands to the nipples.

Each breast contains between 15 and 20 sections called lobes, each of which is composed of many smaller structures known as glands or alveoli. These alveoli produce milk. A system of small tubes known as ducts transports milk from the alveoli to a big central duct that has multiple openings in the nipple. A central duct opens into the nipple from each lobe.

A band of muscle surrounds each gland. This band can contract (squeeze), forcing the milk out of the glands, into the ducts and through to pools that lie beneath the areola, the brown circle that surrounds the nipple. Eventually, a sucking baby (or in our case, an adult partner) extracts the milk by pressing and pumping it out from these pools through the nipple.

The production of breastmilk requires:

  • growth of secretory alveoli in the glandular tissue of the breast
  • secretion of milk by the cells of the secretory alveoli
  • removal of milk by your partner, breast pump or hand expression.

Hormones play the major role all these processes.

The hormone prolactin is the most important hormone for both development of the secretory alveoli and the secretion of milk by the alveolar cells.  Prolactin is produced by the anterior pituitary gland at the base of the brain.  Prolactin usually  works together with other hormones:  oestrogen, progesterone, and others.  Prolactin is produced in response to nipple stimulation; which can be induced by by different kinds of nipple stimulation.  The best way is by the suckling of the nursing partner; and the response is greater during the night than during the day.  Both manual expression and electric breast pumps are also effective in stimulating the nipple.

Removal of any milk that is secreted also helps to increase and maintain production.  Leaving, or saving, milk until the female is aware of pressure and fullness inhibits further production.  So proper suckling and expression (manual or mechanical) are key to the stimulation of milk production for both re-lactation and induced lactation.

The removal of milk from the breast requires the action of another hormone, oxytocin.  Oxytocin is produced by the posterior part of the pituitary gland in response to suckling.  Oxytocin causes small muscle cells which surround the secretory alveoli to contract, which presses the milk out through the nipple.  Oxytocin does not help when there is no milk present in the breasts.  Because of this, it may indirectly help milk production after the gland cells have developed.  Oxytocin production can be affected by the female’s psychological state, support and confidence-building are important ways to help with the process of milk removal.

The best way to stimulate the nipple and to remove milk is through suckling.  The more frequently and the longer someone suckles the breast, the more milk is produced.  To remove milk effectively, the part of the breast beneath the areola, where the milk collects in the lactiferous sinuses, must be inside the suckler’s mouth.

There are two major requirements for re-lactation:

  • a strong desire by the female to feed
  • the stimulation of the nipple

There are additional factors that relate to the female that should be also acknowledged:

  • the woman’s motivation: a woman is unlikely to re-lactate or induce lactation unless she is well motivated
  • her lactation gap (how much time has passed since last lactated):  it is often assumed that the shorter the interval since a woman last lactated, the more likely she is to re-lactate; however there are studies that have shown that re-lactation can occur some 15 or 20 years after a woman last lactated; including after menopause
  • the condition of her breasts:  the form, or condition, of the breasts contributes to the success or failure of re-lactating or inducing lactation; for example, nipples that are inverted or fissured, a breast infection, or scars from breast surgery.  All are  conditions that may cause issues.
  • her ability to interact responsively with the partner:  to re-lactate, a woman needs to be able to respond freely and feed whenever there is interest from her partner, there should be frequent skin to skin contact; to respond freely, there should be nothing to interfere with the time you are together while nursing; tune out everything else around you
  • support from partner (or friends if there isn’t a partner):  it is essential to have emotional support during this time; your partner, friends, family, anyone that you feel comfortable discussing this with; several groups are geared towards Adult Nursing Relationships/Adult BreastFeeding, and can also be a good form of support.  Unfortunately, unless you have a really good relationship with your physician, you may find they are not supportive of this endeavor.
  • her previous experience of lactation:  A woman’s previous experience of lactation may have only a marginal effect on her ability to re-lactate.  Women who have never been pregnant or those who had prior pregnancies but never breastfed are somewhat less likely to re-lactate fully; but studies show this is a very small difference.  These same women may find that they respond better to suckling than to mechanical stimulation.
  • her general health and nutrition:  Good nutrition is often considered necessary to enable a woman to lactate adequately.   Good balanced meals that are nutritious are often enough to help with keeping a woman’s energy up to adequately produce milk.  An extra 500 calories of food per day is often recommended; just make sure is a ‘good’ 500 and not just junk food 500.  Fluid intake should be limited to what is required to satisfy thirst.  General rule is 8 glasses of water per day, but if you are thristy…..drink!!!  While women vary in their fluid intake, there does not seem to be any association between fluid intake and milk production.  Get plenty of rest!!!!!  This is really a no-brainer:  If you aren’t getting the rest you need, that your body needs, you won’t be able to function and that will affect your milk when you are producing.  It can also inhibit someone who is trying to re-lactate.

After re-lactation has started,

  • Stimulation of the nipple and breast are still needed.  Encourage your partner to nurse frequently, or as often as they possibly can.  IF you have a partner in home with you, encourage night-time nursing.  Remember the prolactin response is greater at night, which can increase milk production.  Hopefully, your partner can do this without a great deal of  disruption of your rest.
  • Have your partner suckle on both breasts, and for as long as possible at each ‘feeding’.  At least 10 to 15 minutes on each breast.  You can alternate after 5 -7 minutes, and then back again if you want, for extra time on each breast.  Even if it is ‘dry suckling’, there is a benefit to it.
  • Ensure that your partner is well attached to the breast, to prevent nipple trauma, and to remove effectively any breastmilk that is produced.  Remember, try to drain your breasts each time.  This ‘tricks’ your body into thinking it needs to produce more.

For those that stimulate by manual expression, see my previous post that gives you great directions.  You should express 8-12 times daily, especially in the early days of starting this process.  With expression alone, breastmilk starts to appear in between 1 to 6 weeks.  The preference of manual or mechanical expression is all based on personal preference.  However…if you have a partner willing to suckle and can do so often, this is the preferred method for stimulation.

If the methods above are not effective alone, and no milk appears, one can turn to pharmacological methods.  Drugs that cause milk secretion are called galactogogues, or lactogogues.  These terms are also used for herbal supplements that are believed to increase the production of milk.  It is important to remember, although certain drugs and/or herbs may enhance the effect of stimulation of the breast, they are not fully effective alone.  Full stimulation of your breasts is necessary to obtain the full potential of milk production.

I won’t go into the list of drugs and supplements in this post.  I will try and gather a good and thorough list in the near future.

Hopefully,  I haven’t bored you too much with all this!  I found it very fascinating and learned a great deal myself.

Happy Nursing everyone!

@~~>~~~

Ok, class….today’s lesson!….Only kidding….well……

I have been pretty quiet lately, sorry folks.  Lots going on and yet….well, you know…Life gets in the way.  However, I did want to talk to you all today about a frustration of mine.  The LACK of real solid information out on the web about the process of re-lactating.  Ok, Ok, OK!  Before you get the undies in a bundle!  I know lots and lots of sites with information, but honestly, there isn’t a lot of written documentation about studies done on women that are trying to induce for ANR/ABF.

Through my job, I have access to a great deal of medical/scientific/informative journals.  This provides me a great way to gain information about subjects I never understood or maybe a medicine that had studies done on it.  One day at work, I tried to find information out about women who are trying to induce NOT for adoption or normal birth but for the honest and fun life we are trying to obtain!  I say ‘fun’ because let’s face it….who doesn’t like a boobie or two!  ( I do mean that with the best intentions!)

Ok, so guess what?  There isn’t alot out there.  There are journal articles about galactogogues (both herbal and pharmaceutical) and their uses and things of that nature; but always geared toward the ‘moms’, not us ANR/ABF folks.  But there isn’t anything that says:  HEY!!!  Over here!!!  Try this!  So in my wonderfully inquisitive mind, I HAD to keep looking.  I did find this great print out of a list of herbs that was published on the ILCA (International Lactation Consultant Association) website found here.  The main thing I do NOT like about this list is that the author, Lisa Marasco; does not include what the properties are for each herb.  Some herbs are used to assist with the production of breast milk, some are used to maintain a level of milk; either way, there is a huge list of herbs and it does give you the possible side-effects; so I wouldn’t say it was all bad…Just not complete.

As I continued my search for information, I ran across a wonderful website www.breastnotes.com, but more specifically, Re-lactation Overview.  What caught my attention was the instructions for manual expression was broken down by breast cup size.  Hey, I admit I am a large breasted woman; and the methods I kept reading about, just never seemed to be ‘enough’.  I did begin a dialog with the site owner, Ken Smith, after asking for a more detailed description of  Manual Expression of Your Breasts.  I thank Ken for allowing me to pass this information along.  I have also added BreastNotes to my list of links.

Ken writes, “The purpose of www.BreastNotes.com is to teach others about issues concerning breast anatomy, development, lactation, breastfeeding and disease prevention, detection and treatment. There is no financial connection or compensation at all, and no advertising per se. I may recommend books or products but that happens only if I feel it might work toward helping the reader to accomplish what we all want them to accomplish. And as you can see, ANR is only one area that I work with on that website.”  Ken is also quick to add that he is not a doctor and can not offer any diagnosis; but the knowledge he has helped me with truly was a god-send for me.  Especially since I do not have a partner at this time.

I plan to stay in touch with Ken and share some ideas back and forth.  I also plan to continue to offer any advice I possibly can as I find it.  Got to keep up on all this stuff you know….something is always changing!!!

Happy Nursing everyone!!!!!

 

 

Letting go…..

There are times in our lives when we get that smack on the back of the head or the “D’oh” slap to the forehead when we just finally get the answer to some nagging problem you are having.

I had a day to spend with my ‘partner’ on Monday.  It was great, we had our time together and then it just hit me.  I had to let him go.  Did I want to?  No, I didn’t, but I did not have a choice if I want to continue with my journey into the ANR world.  My journey was not progressing like  I had hoped.  I was not getting the ‘let down’ that I was hoping for with him.  That bond that is needed for it was just not there.  And that hurt so much to have to make that choice.

I know that he and I have a special bond that has lasted for so many years, but sometimes even that isn’t enough to have that unique relationship that ANR requires.

It has made me think about one of the groups I am in; which happen to be a few.  Most of the men and women in them post ads “Looking for ANR in ….”  Here is the thing.

You can’t look for an ANR unless you are really already lactating/producing milk.  Once you have that, you can then have the type of relationship you want.  If you just want a nursing relationship, then you can have that.  Or if you want a relationship with ANR as a part of it, you can have that.

Having someone offer to ‘help you induce’ isn’t a realistic thing.  The bond and closeness you need with this person, is something you develop over time.  Having someone help you induce, doesn’t always allow for that closeness.  It is the means to the end.

The milk ‘let down’ happens in many ways.  Each time your partner nurses, the nerves in your breasts sends signals that release the milk into your milk ducts.  The let down reflex usually happens after your partner has been sucking the breast for a couple of minutes.  All women experience the ‘let down reflex’ in different ways.  Some feel it as a tingling or a warmth, others don’t feel their let down at all.  Some, who have sensitive reflexes, can let down their milk either right before or right at the beginning of the session.  Many women even experience an uncontrolled let-down when they hear their partner or even think about their partner; and milk will begin to flow even if the partner isn’t nursing.

This is what was missing between myself and my partner.  I am not angry with him about this.  Actually quite the opposite.  I love him more for understanding that I had to make this decision.  Monday evening, I explained to him (in an email) that I had to walk away from this situation with him.  I told him that I did know that I was probably making the largest mistake ever in my life by doing this; but I know that it is the right thing also.

For two days, I cried my eyes out.  Even last night on the way home, I couldn’t control the tears.  I hid under my blanket and my coat (oh, don’t worry….I wasn’t driving) and just let my tears flow.  When I got home last, I did the comfort food thing and went to bed (about 7 ish) and while laying in bed, I was just doing some simple massages of my breasts and found my nipples were ‘wet’.  This is what makes me know that this was for the best….to let him go.  Letting him go….allowed me to have my milk let go also.

This is a sad realization for me.  I love him with all my heart (and he knows that); but I understand that my love for him was actually getting in the way of this process.  Maybe some day he and I can try again; after my milk is really in….but for now…….I had to let go of him.

 

Wonder of all wonders

As my life has taken some twists and turns, I find myself pushing away the current ‘partner’ and keeping my search going.  I should not keep that from him, but he hasn’t exactly been a willing ‘partner’.  I am willing to pump between get together’s, but I can’t pump 4 days a week for 2 weeks or more and then have him come in and expect things to just work.  If we were able to get together one or two times a week, then maybe it would work; but as it is…..I am more frustrated now that I used to be about this.  I don’t want a new partner, but I may not have a choice.  Actually, I kind of told him I was giving up on the whole thing.  I don’t want to lie to him; but I feel like I am also pushing him too far.  When I am with him, I can feel the ‘let-down’ happening; but it is just so few and far between on our visits that it just isn’t working to really bring in my milk.   But if I push too much for him to come around more….well….I am sure I would lose him…period.   I love my friendship with him, and I wish I could tell him how much that means to me..although, I have a feeling he knows.  If I had a choice…to find someone new or to keep him as my partner…….it would be to keep him.  Without a doubt, I would keep him.  I have wanted this for so long, the lactation, but when he offered to help…I knew that was right also.  But is it enough?  I don’t know….I just don’t know.

I have begun taking both Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle (you can get them in a combo capsule, but I am taking them separately).  They should be taken together, so I finally found a store that sells it.  Maybe now I won’t feel like things are in slow motion without him.  I miss him…..

Happy Nursing my friends!